Say you die and go to Heaven.
Who is the first person you’re going to look up…AND
What is the question you are going to ask??
(Again—no relatives please)
;~)
Yesterdays mail brought, Free address labels, and Emerils Seasonings. Now that’s something to :-) about!
This offer could be , bear-y, interesting! :-)
Mornin’, Y’all!
No, Chip, you are not awake yet. You are dreaming about sending me a 20 spot. Yesssss…send the money, Chip.
Coolcat, the first people I thought of were my grandparents. But, since it has to be someone other than relatives, I would want to talk to soooo many people. From our service men and women about giving their lives for our country to leaders of countries and what made them make their decisions (not that any of them are in Heaven!) to Mother Teresa and John Lennon about their thought of the world and, well the list goes on and on. Tough question.
Here’s some funny Redneck humor.
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it isstill considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home. DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pourslowly so as not to “bruise” the fruit of the vine.2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with yourfingers covering the label. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by ataxidermist.2. Do not allow the dog to eat from the table…no matter how good hismanners are. PERSONAL HYGIENE 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that shouldbe done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as theytend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of fingerfoods. DATING (Outside the Family) 1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.2. Be aggressive. Let her know you’re interested: “I’ve been wanting togo out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two yearsago.”3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Somewill say 10:00 PM; others might say “Monday.” If the latter is the answer,it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time. THEATER ETIQUETTE 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediatelyafter the movie has ended.2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proventhey can’t hear you. WEDDINGS 1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with acummerbund and clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.4. Though uncomfortable, say “yes” to socks and shoes for this specialoccasion. DRIVING ETIQUETTE 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun isloaded and the deer is in sight.2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tiresalways has the right of way.3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impoliteto ask her to bring back beer too.5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession .
No. No. No. Bomb, ya got it all wrong! I owe you $100! Not $50! I just haven’t reminded you of that. If I’m going to borrow money I’m not going to repay, then I’m going to borrow MONEY!
Yeah coolcat i too would find my friend who died a year ago…sniff sniff..but i may not be going to heaven i may be heading the other direction…if you know what im sayin …. : )
Hi CoolCat — I am torn between Mel Blanc, who is a hero from radio AND cartoons (the man of 1000 voices, encluding Bugs, Daffy, Elmer, Sylvester & Tweety, Speedy, Foghorn Leghorn;
or
Judas Iscariot. I want to know if he was conspiring with JC to “free him of his earthly bonds” as the Gospel of Judas says…..think of THOSE implications!
Blow and Bomb in Hell. Never would have thought that, guys! One question for you two, if I’m bringin’ the pizza to the party, which one of y’all is bringin’ the beer?
ha ha maddog, ill bring the beer…make sure bomb dont bring the pizza cuz well we all read his cockroach stories..lol…so really i got the beer you got the pizza who needs bomb ? zing !!!
Saint Peter at the front gate and aks him if it’s true. In Heaven there is no beer. That’s why we drink it here and when we go from here all our friends will be drinking all the beer.
I would find John Kennedy and ask him if he was shot from the front or from behind.
And if Sylvia Brown is there before me, I’d find her and ask her if she really saw all that stuff or was she making it up ( or have an alternative way of finding those things out ). I’d like to talk to Michael Jackson and ask him what dying from overdosing feels like.
I want to ask………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….please tune in next week for the conclusion of BUG HAS LOST IT.
Ginabug– while you’re asking JFK, ask Marilyn Monroe & Princess Diana too. I watched the
Zebruter film and I saw both; behind first, then from the front last ……did you see it that way?
Sylvia Browns’ fingernails bother me! She, just like John Edwards, only sizes people up & states the obvious. She’ll say to a 75 year old woman…”I feel that your parents are dead. One of them was your Mom.You eat food ….wait..wait… on a day that ends with …day!
You don’t want to know what dying from overdosing feels like. I think in his case he did not even know & just fell asleep. And that is a big shame……….I’ll tune in again Ginabug…….:~)
I haven’t seen the film Cc. Princess Diana? I thought she died from a car crash.?.(Running from reporters)(( Don’t know how to spell “popperautzy”. See?))
September 1st, 2009 - 8:27 pm
0
September 1st, 2009 - 8:43 pm
#2
September 1st, 2009 - 9:15 pm
Ok…3,4,5 whatever…. I have another question……
Say you die and go to Heaven.
Who is the first person you’re going to look up…AND
What is the question you are going to ask??
(Again—no relatives please)
;~)
September 2nd, 2009 - 4:32 am
Hoo ray
September 2nd, 2009 - 5:17 am
Yesterdays mail brought, Free address labels, and Emerils Seasonings. Now that’s something to :-) about!
This offer could be , bear-y, interesting! :-)
September 2nd, 2009 - 5:43 am
Good morning Q, I’ve recently received the Emeril’s seasonings and the pet kit fron ASPCA.
September 2nd, 2009 - 5:49 am
I haven’t been receiving anything of late. I should check out our new Post person. Oh, good morning.
September 2nd, 2009 - 5:55 am
Good Morning Burk, and Mr. P! This offer allows you to keep track of where and when it will arrive. I can bear-ly wait! :-)
September 2nd, 2009 - 7:08 am
Good Morning fellow Crappers!
September 2nd, 2009 - 7:11 am
Am I awake yet?…
September 2nd, 2009 - 7:29 am
Mornin’, Y’all!
No, Chip, you are not awake yet. You are dreaming about sending me a 20 spot. Yesssss…send the money, Chip.
Coolcat, the first people I thought of were my grandparents. But, since it has to be someone other than relatives, I would want to talk to soooo many people. From our service men and women about giving their lives for our country to leaders of countries and what made them make their decisions (not that any of them are in Heaven!) to Mother Teresa and John Lennon about their thought of the world and, well the list goes on and on. Tough question.
September 2nd, 2009 - 7:33 am
hey chippy send a $20 my way too!
September 2nd, 2009 - 7:41 am
Wolfie, glad to see you back and when you get your CD out I am DEFINITELY “in for 1″ (as our CMDR Dave would say).
September 2nd, 2009 - 7:42 am
Bomb, I thought Chippy borrowed $50 from you. Wasn’t it $50?????
September 2nd, 2009 - 7:50 am
Here’s some funny Redneck humor.
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it isstill considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home. DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pourslowly so as not to “bruise” the fruit of the vine.2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with yourfingers covering the label. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by ataxidermist.2. Do not allow the dog to eat from the table…no matter how good hismanners are. PERSONAL HYGIENE 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that shouldbe done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as theytend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of fingerfoods. DATING (Outside the Family) 1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.2. Be aggressive. Let her know you’re interested: “I’ve been wanting togo out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two yearsago.”3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Somewill say 10:00 PM; others might say “Monday.” If the latter is the answer,it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time. THEATER ETIQUETTE 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediatelyafter the movie has ended.2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proventhey can’t hear you. WEDDINGS 1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with acummerbund and clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.4. Though uncomfortable, say “yes” to socks and shoes for this specialoccasion. DRIVING ETIQUETTE 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun isloaded and the deer is in sight.2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tiresalways has the right of way.3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impoliteto ask her to bring back beer too.5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession .
September 2nd, 2009 - 7:53 am
whew maddog glad you got that out of your system! i thought you owed me the $50??? yep that was you..pay up!
September 2nd, 2009 - 8:11 am
in for 1! however, chocolate cherry was unavailable…oh well
September 2nd, 2009 - 8:13 am
No. No. No. Bomb, ya got it all wrong! I owe you $100! Not $50! I just haven’t reminded you of that. If I’m going to borrow money I’m not going to repay, then I’m going to borrow MONEY!
September 2nd, 2009 - 9:08 am
Nothin like stiin’ round nakey eatin’ a snack!
:~D
September 2nd, 2009 - 9:09 am
I meant to type “sitin”!
:~D
September 2nd, 2009 - 9:28 am
for having to read your l-o-n-g comment or should i say mini book maddog, you should pay us all a few hundred smackers ! wink!
September 2nd, 2009 - 9:43 am
hey, coolcat. i think i would look up my childhood friends. two of them passed away and i would love to be able to see and talk with them again.
September 2nd, 2009 - 10:12 am
wooohoooo i love naked things….wink wink nudge nudge.. : )~
September 2nd, 2009 - 10:17 am
im probably going to hell..ill meet up with blow there and have a jolly good time!
September 2nd, 2009 - 10:17 am
Yeah coolcat i too would find my friend who died a year ago…sniff sniff..but i may not be going to heaven i may be heading the other direction…if you know what im sayin …. : )
September 2nd, 2009 - 10:18 am
hey bomb i wrote the same thing..and look at the times….we are so twins…….whoop whooop…
September 2nd, 2009 - 10:24 am
whooooo spooky blow spooky!
September 2nd, 2009 - 10:30 am
Hi CoolCat — I am torn between Mel Blanc, who is a hero from radio AND cartoons (the man of 1000 voices, encluding Bugs, Daffy, Elmer, Sylvester & Tweety, Speedy, Foghorn Leghorn;
or
Judas Iscariot. I want to know if he was conspiring with JC to “free him of his earthly bonds” as the Gospel of Judas says…..think of THOSE implications!
September 2nd, 2009 - 10:52 am
Joe Blow & Bomb — You can’t be goin to hell, cause I work there and I don’t want to be seeing you there every day! ;~0
September 2nd, 2009 - 10:53 am
I would find Albert Einstein to ask how his theories are working out for him.
September 2nd, 2009 - 10:56 am
No worries cool-cat you wouldnt see us if we saw you first !
September 2nd, 2009 - 10:58 am
I was going to say JESUS CHRIST & ask him
“Whats it all about?”
but then I remembered the Hokey Pokey and I already know…….;~)
September 2nd, 2009 - 11:07 am
So I would ask all the unsolved murdered people what happened and find a way to send back their answers. :~)
September 2nd, 2009 - 11:52 am
Blow and Bomb in Hell. Never would have thought that, guys! One question for you two, if I’m bringin’ the pizza to the party, which one of y’all is bringin’ the beer?
September 2nd, 2009 - 12:01 pm
ha ha maddog, ill bring the beer…make sure bomb dont bring the pizza cuz well we all read his cockroach stories..lol…so really i got the beer you got the pizza who needs bomb ? zing !!!
September 2nd, 2009 - 6:51 pm
Saint Peter at the front gate and aks him if it’s true. In Heaven there is no beer. That’s why we drink it here and when we go from here all our friends will be drinking all the beer.
September 2nd, 2009 - 7:41 pm
Ok then …mystery solved! Thanks Daniel!! ;~)
September 2nd, 2009 - 7:56 pm
Why the heck is my wallet empty?! Why does it smell like pizza and beer in here?! I…feel…sleeeeeepy…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
September 2nd, 2009 - 8:36 pm
I would find John Kennedy and ask him if he was shot from the front or from behind.
And if Sylvia Brown is there before me, I’d find her and ask her if she really saw all that stuff or was she making it up ( or have an alternative way of finding those things out ). I’d like to talk to Michael Jackson and ask him what dying from overdosing feels like.
I want to ask………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….please tune in next week for the conclusion of BUG HAS LOST IT.
September 2nd, 2009 - 8:43 pm
The official snack of The Bear Naked Ladies?
September 2nd, 2009 - 8:53 pm
Ginabug– while you’re asking JFK, ask Marilyn Monroe & Princess Diana too. I watched the
Zebruter film and I saw both; behind first, then from the front last ……did you see it that way?
Sylvia Browns’ fingernails bother me! She, just like John Edwards, only sizes people up & states the obvious. She’ll say to a 75 year old woman…”I feel that your parents are dead. One of them was your Mom.You eat food ….wait..wait… on a day that ends with …day!
You don’t want to know what dying from overdosing feels like. I think in his case he did not even know & just fell asleep. And that is a big shame……….I’ll tune in again Ginabug…….:~)
September 2nd, 2009 - 10:27 pm
Tee–Hee–Hee!!!
September 3rd, 2009 - 9:11 am
Davy Crockett, and what were you thinking during the last moments of the Alamo?
September 3rd, 2009 - 2:08 pm
i know what he was thinking dave… holy *^$##@@%!
September 5th, 2009 - 7:06 pm
I haven’t seen the film Cc. Princess Diana? I thought she died from a car crash.?.(Running from reporters)(( Don’t know how to spell “popperautzy”. See?))
September 5th, 2009 - 7:11 pm
Pop or Yahtzee?
September 29th, 2009 - 2:32 pm
This stuff tast awful!!!
November 4th, 2009 - 12:15 pm
Yah!!!! I just got my sample today (4NOV09). My husband tried to gobble it up before me.